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It is pouring and cold winter day here in Japan. My family is out working. I am here alone packing for tomorrow. Finally, it is a time again. I am leaving here tomorrow morning. I longed to leave here but when the opportunity arose, my heart got weakened. Leaving requires energy. It is the hardest thing to do no matter what is that for.

I initially thought I be staying at my family home for 3 weeks. I ended up here for 4 months and 2 days. I felt the time was much longer. Although I dreamed to depart from here, once the opportunity came I procrastinated and looked for an excuse to extend my stay. I originally thought I be gone by Saturday, I instantly changed to Sunday. Then, additional 2 days were given unexpectedly. I was happy to gain the time as I can be with my family whole weekend. My mom wasn’t as she seems sad.

My mother is semi-retired. So her work schedule is various. Until last week, she was at home. We spent good 4 months together. She treated me like a little kid. It made my life difficult and lost courage. But, how amazing for a grow-up in my age to spend this much time with own mother..? I think I paid a lot in order to do this though it is definitely Him that coordinated and planned everything out of His love. Yet, there is no ‘good time’ to leave no matter how long I stay or for what the reason, especially for family.

We have a small child at home. She will be singing, dancing and marching around the house even if my mom wants to have a time to miss me. The little girl will be demanding my mom’s labor and attention no matter what in her mind. Life with this joyful little monster, her time will fly away fast. Soon, Christmas to celebrate and new year to welcome. Then, surely I am coming back again though it may not allow me to stay long.

This is my home though nothing to show off about when I talk to others about where I am from. But it is a warm place. This is the only place where my family lives and welcomes me back any time. This is my home where I will be coming back. I have this place in my heart so I can be strong when I am away.

 

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. — Matthew 16:24

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The Sweetest Gift

My younger sister who used to cry and followed me behind now became a wife and a mother. From her face and wording of her choice, weakness disappeared and strength appeared. But I still see her as soft and sweet as I used to see in her. My baby sister who was and is the sweetest thing I have ever given in my hands. She was a gift from the heaven.

When we were little, we played together day and night. I bossed her around as her older sister. I ordered her. We fought. I was much bigger than her but now she is an inch taller and weight little more. Once we were dressed in the same clothes. Now we prefer something totally different things. She pursued a steady-going. I choice challenges. We mostly live physically far to each other. Although I live far, I hope her to know that she still occupies the sweetest part of my heart.

When I am far, I pray; His blessings and protection over my little sister. He is with her every moment of her life. All the help she needs daily for her baby daughter and family is provided by Him. I wish I can be there for her and help carry her baby when she needs and daily chores but I cannot do that forever. I know she is totally fine without me. I know she is worrying about her trouble-maker sister aka me instead. I know we are more than even now as we grew up. But, I somehow still see her as a little girl who followed me behind. She is the sweetest gift from the heaven in my life..

Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household. —- Act 16:31

The Sweetest Fall Memory

My time here is almost up. Soon I be employed and “no plan” days be my past. I knew my time won’t be forever though I thought it might be.

Since the fall, my mom and I have been walking an hour together in late afternoon daily between vegetable gardens under the clear blue sky above the mountains I can see in horizon. I love walking personally. So late summer, I occasionally walked out for small grocery shopping help. My mom decided to join me hoping to keep her weight down. It led us to begin our regular daily walk. Once she interested in something, she drew in. No matter how windy and cold weather recently gets, she still goes! Grr!

To me, walk with her wasn’t a fun activity. Not much conversation in our most of the walks as I was often thinking away my jobless situation / no plan future while we were walking. I must admit that I felt bad. Someday, I wanted to cry while I was walking behind her. I didn’t like the unexcited landscape so much though I love seeing those magnificent skies above my heartache everyday above my mom’s head. It reminds of hope I have in Him every time I see the magnificent sky.

Now that my mom is back to her regular working schedule and I am about to depart from here, what I miss the most is our daily walk! Yesterday, my mom offered me to take a day off on Friday so we can go out for shops together. I was very surprised to feel my heart is leaping. It is not because I can go to stores but I can walk with her one more time again!

He designs and gives us purpose, daily. I was here for 4 months for ONE purpose; to know and love Him and my family more. It is essential and cannot do it without effort and time. I didn’t realize it before. After I received the pink slip in the end of March, if He gave me what I wanted to cover the loss instantly, I didn’t know and have this.

The memory of daily walk with my mom in this fall in Japan is cannot replaced with anything else. It is nothing special but it is warm. It will strengthen me in my next difficulties for sure. And this memory is an unexpected and the most beautiful gift from the heaven to reward my perseverance.  He is a merciful!

 

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ — Colossians 2:2